Tonight my huMom took me to a Poo-a-Tree Reading.
Ok, first. Who wants to read about poo on a tree? The act is fun of course, but reading about it? Talking about it? Humams…. Weird.
Second. To add insult to in-poo-tree, she drags me to a place called ALLEY CAT books. The effrontery! The gall! No dog treats!
Thirdly, there was ANOTHER dog in the store! I tried to sit through the poo-ums, but, come on! The other dog in the section behind us, whining and complaining, but I was supposed to be quiet? Come on! My huMom tried to zip me into a bag but I was NOT having it! NO! NO!
I tried to be a Good Girl and sat through a few Poo-Oms, but then when that other dog came RIGHT into my space, I had to speak my mind! For that, I got grabbed, picked up, she tried to stuff me in my bag but I wouldn’t go in; we wrassled in the chair for a few minutes and then I was dragged into the stacks of books. AS IF the disruption was my fault and not the fault of that white curly haired fluffball. Geez, next they’ll be blaming me for the cell phone chimes that some dude had going off for five minutes! And the phone was in his pants! Was that my fault TOO???
Another lady read some poo-ems and seemed like my huMom REALLY wanted to stay nearby to hear them, but I’d made up my mind that it was time to go and dragged HER toward the door.
She bought a couple paper things (NOT edible!) and made some excuse to the store guy about having to leave the reading early. “The dog doesn’t like poo-a-tree.” Oh nice, blame me!
Then he followed us out and she said she USED to bring Clark the Cat to this store! And started talking about how cool he was before he got cancer and how he went all over town in his cat stroller. Oh CLARK IS SO COOL!!! EYEROLL. Blah blah. So I peed dangerously close (1 cat paw by my calculations) to a stack of books — and that got their attention. Off we went! Sniffin’ down the cobblestones…
Then we walked to the bus stop, where I REFUSED to get into my travel bag. We continued the struggle on the bus, she kept trying to coax/bribe me in, I was NOT having it!! Some guy kept telling me to do what my huMom said but a girl has to draw the line sometimes!
Later he asked why I wouldn’t get in the bag, which my huMom told him I normally love to ride in.
“Oh, I know why, I took her to a Poo-A-Tree reading and she Did Not Like It!. She was cranky and wouldn’t go in her bag, I couldn’t focus on the poems, it was so embarrassing that I had to leave…”
The man laughed, a gentle, easy, kind laugh. “You took the dog … to a poetry reading?”
HuMom smiled sheepishly. “Well, they don’t allow dogs at Flower Piano at the Botanical Gardens.” She leaned over and pulled the bus rope. We got off at the next stop.